How many people does your fridge need to feed?
Three, but none of us really cook unless it’s a special event. My roommate Dave is an excellent cook; I don’t think Lucas has ever cooked in the time he’s lived here. I make eggs.
What do you usually eat for breakfast?
Two eggs over easy, bacon burned black and falling apart, white toast with all the nutrients, and orange juice and coffee. Sometimes I make eggs here and douse them with hot sauce but usually I go to the Garden Grill and sit at the counter with all the neighborhood people. I don’t buy raw bacon so if I’m cooking at home I’ll go get two pieces of cooked bacon from my bodega, and it’s only 50 cents. It’s already cooked but I’ll cook it a little more because I like it burned.
Is there anything you eat every day?
Coffee, like five times a day, and usually a beer or two.
Every week?
I have different staples for different days of the week: on Wednesdays I alternate between avocado toast from Café Gitane, and hummus with mushrooms and onions, plus a small Israeli salad, from 12 Chairs Café; Friday mornings is usually Garden Grill. I do coconut curry noodle soup with tofu or pad kee mao with tofu, Thai ice tea, and edamame from the local Thai place, Sage, once a week. The edamame is $5, and I like to sneak into the movies (I had a burrito confiscated at 50 Shades of Grey). I definitely do my bodega sandwiches from Metro Deli, two doors down from me, at least once a week: $4.50 for a philly cheesesteak with jalapenos and it’s the best I’ve ever had. And I get their breakfast sandwich with chipotle gouda, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and jalapenos. It’s to die for. Also, pizza from San Marco, the gangster pizzeria on Lorimer. They’re scary: you don’t talk when you go in there, you just smile when you get your slice and say thank you. And also tacos and elote from the taco truck at Union Pool bar.
What item are you forbidden from purchasing right now?
I have very little self-control with Haagen-Dazs chocolate peanut butter ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food fro-yo, and Breyer’s mint chocolate chip. My bodega guys know all of my dirty secrets: they know that when I’m in there at 11:59, just off work, it’s for ice cream. They’re so nice and they don’t judge me. We love each other. Jars of Nutella are also forbidden—I can kill a jar by the spoonful in a day.
What’s the most delicious thing in here?
Definitely the mint Oreos in the freezer. I like to eat them frozen so I eat less.
The most disgusting?
Probably the Moroccan sardines in oil. I don’t know who they belong to. They might be from four roommates ago. There’s also skillet bacon spread—I don’t know who owns that.
The oldest?
The horseradish, because it never expires, right? Oh wait, February, 2013. I’ll toss that.
Where do you do most of your food shopping?
C-Town for bleach for my work shirts, instant oatmeal, string cheese, walnuts, and chicken breasts that I can freeze, and Rosemary Farms for fresh produce—it costs more, but I love the family that owns it.
How much do you spend on groceries each week?
Excluding beer and tipping at bars, probably about $80 a week. It’s almost all eating out, but I know my spots for cheap food anywhere in the city. The restaurant I work at charges us $2.50 for every eight hours we work to pay for family meal, and family meal is gross. It’s usually the leftovers from the day before plus a pathetic salad. Family dinner is at 10:30 or 11pm and it’ll be pasta or something else heavy that you don’t want to eat late at night. You can’t opt out, so if I’m working a 10-hour shift I pay $5. Lots of restaurants in NY do this.
How often do you go grocery shopping?
Once a month at the most.
What percentage of your meals do you prepare at home?
5%.
Is there anything in here that we would have found in your childhood fridge?Eggs, that’s the only thing. I grew up in the Midwest so we always had eggs, cottage cheese, yogurt. And carrot sticks, because I had a guinea pig, celery, deli turkey, apples. Every once in a while I’ll buy a bag of apples if I’m inspired but otherwise I buy everything on the go because I’m always on the run.
What do you wish you had in here?
Ensure. I drink a lot of it. First of all, I love the flavor (vanilla, not chocolate). And if I’m on the go, I can get my vitamins and sustenance. I have a ton of coconut water in the fridge right now because I’ve been going to the Wednesday movie screenings in McCarren Park and Zico is a sponsor.
Alexie, 28, is a server at The Smith, and also has an MFA in fiction writing. She’s holding a bottle of Tapatio hot sauce. She lives in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.